He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
