She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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