my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
