I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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