i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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