gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
