Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
