I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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