Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
