Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
