it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
