So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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