This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
