Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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