I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
