i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
