i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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