I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
