Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
