Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
