Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
