Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
