I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
