we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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