I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
