Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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