I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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