Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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