i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
