I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
