just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
