Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
