Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
