Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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