this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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