If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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