Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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