You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
