New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
