Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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