He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
