Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
