Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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