I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
