You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
