i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
