I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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