You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
barbara walters just said penis...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
