So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
