Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
