He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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