I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
