while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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