someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
